I’ve spoken about this topic before in this blog post about ‘sticking out like a sore thumb’, but I’m always happy to revisit the topic, especially if you guys are asking specifically, which you did… back in this blog post! If you’re interested in knowing how I’ve personally combated feeling judged and self-conscious and how you can too, then carry on reading…
I’m going to start out by saying that I’m definitely not in the worst position for being judged or for being self-conscious. There are so many variables that go into making you feel more insecure, some of which include your family and support group, your friends, your school or your work place.
I’m very lucky; I have a family that is truly supportive of me and I have parents that have never pressured me into being a specific type of person. I’m not trying to be judgey, but I know that so many people out there that do feel pressured or haven’t had the same sense of support, so I really do try not to take it for granted.
I’m also currently home schooled which means I don’t have the usual pressures that come with having peers around, although that doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced that sort of thing (I have, and I’ve written about that before too).
But, (like pressure at school), that doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced feeling judged or pressured or most importantly, self-conscicous. We all have, at some point in our lives so far, because every human judges, no matter how hard we try not to. Our brain scans things over when we meet new people, and when we see new faces in the street. It may be subconscious, but we all do it, so it’s rather hard to avoid, and that’s a crucial fact to remember.
For me personally, I’m most self-conscious about my exterior personality, although I’m at a place now that I’m, for the most part, whole heartedly happy with things. I’m happy in myself and how I come across as a person, but when it comes to how I appear, I think that’s where I hit a stumbling block. I met someone new a while back, and whilst I was getting ready on the day, the first thought that came into my head was – “Perhaps I should wear something a little more ordinary”. So, as you can see, I still expect and worry about being judged, no matter how confident I actually feel as a whole.
So, the question is – how do we get past things like that? How do we skip out those thoughts that make us pressured? How do we stop ourselves from shrinking back down into that mold of ‘being normal’ or ‘being perfect?’. Well, I’ve thought about it, and I know you’re no doubt going to think I sound crazy but… I like to think about the size of the world and the universe. Yup, you read me right… I’m getting deep.
Seriously though, sometimes it’s just great to put things into perspective. I know this won’t work for everyone, and it could quite possibly be just my teenage brain making me think about these sorts of things (my sister said she used to the same when she was my age), but honestly, when you realise how small and pointless these insecurities and fears are… you start to feel a whole lot better about yourself, and you start to look at other people around you in a whole new light.
~ YOUR PERSPECTIVE TO DO LIST ~
✓ Make a list of your insecurities
✓ Make a list of all your biggest worldy concerns (global warming, gender equality – all the big stuff)
✓ Make a list of genuinely big stuff (elephants, galaxies etc)
✓ Compare your insecurities over your worldy concerns and then…
✓ Channel your energy into making a difference
✓ When you feel confident, make a note of it so you know what makes you feel good
✓ Compliment other people whenever you notice something that makes you smile about them (however small that may be)
✓ Accept the fact that even you judge people
✓ Look up at the stars ☆
So, to do this, I’m going to throw in some facts about the universe. It would take 100,000 years to travel across the Milky Way. In the observable universe, there is estimated to be one hundred billion galaxies… so (according to physics.org) if you hold a grain of sand up to the sky, the tiny patch of sky that it covers, contains ten thousand of those galaxies. There’s a lot more to it than that as we all know, but those facts alone are enough to make you feel dizzy.
Nevertheless, I hope you can understand what I mean. Looking at everything in this perspective just makes me think – why should I care about that person across the road looking at me oddly for wearing something a little ‘different’ (what even is different, after all?) when there are so many bigger things to be worried about?
I also mentioned that this makes you look at other people in a whole new light, and it really does. I’ve started to just appreciate a smile, no matter who the person is wearing it. I don’t judge them or comment on the rest of them, I just appreciate what’s there and the beauty of it. Because honestly, once we’re happy in ourselves, we can start to appreciate everyone and everything else around us and we can start to make those people who felt the same way as us, get that little bit closer to being happy too.
LOCATION: Sirolo, IT 🇮🇹
What you have to realise though, is that every single one of us goes through judgement and feelings of self-consciousness, so there’s no real way to ever combat it (like I mentioned in my sore thumb post). You just have to suck it up and start blurring things out because honestly, it’s always going to be there, no matter who you are… and in a way, that’s kind of the fun of it all.
When you do have those moments of confidence and when you finally do feel happy with how everything is… you’ll be able to look back and compare things with that perspective lens and realise there really was no point in worrying.
Did this blog post help you? Do you have any further questions about confidence? Leave a comment or fill out the form above!
Also… if you’d like to see a full outfit post for what I’m wearing here, do let me know! I’ve also just added a sneaky little feature to my blog in the form of Konami code. Have fun with that! Oh and just FYI, my next blog post is a good one! Watch out!
Lots of Love… Tolly Dolly Posh xx