happy birthday

It’s tradition on my blog to do a little celebratory post when the number in all of my social media bios changes so here we are again; another year! This time around I’m turning seventeen, making me a whole six years older than I was when I started writing. I wanted to shoot a more creative set of photos in honour of my birthday (I quite like them, if I do say so myself) and catch-up with you all…

WHAT I WORE: Dress (Jumble Sale) // Tattoos (DIY) // Rings (Unknown & Gemporia*) // Glitter (Claire’s)*

Being my age is rather odd, I’ve realised. I think growing up with older siblings confused my young mind because what I saw in them at my age, isn’t what I see in myself. My family will probably read this and be shouting ‘obviously’ at the screen because I’m my own individual but I suppose what I mean is, I don’t feel how seventeen seemed to me then. I used to think being in your late teens made you a super mature young adult who worked hard and played hard but upon turning seventeen myself, I’ve realised that perhaps comes down to how little I could do, being so much younger.

Being seventeen means you can do an awful lot but it also means you can do an awful little. Or maybe that’s just me. I’m pretty sure I’m actually seventeen going on seventy in my head. I like eating cheese and honey on its own and drinking cups of tea at all times of the day and I have a jacket that reminds everyone of my grandma. I’m excited by the idea of getting older. I think I was listening to a podcast recently that really struck a chord with me and has made me relax over how much I’ve achieved. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the exact source of this inspiration but it roughly went through the idea of peaking at a later age. And I suppose; I don’t want to peak now! I want to peak when I’m older so that I’m not sat around thinking; now what?

For someone growing up online and being filled with different ideas and ways to compare myself, this realisation has definitely helped me. As much as achieving a lot while you’re young is an outstanding, I don’t think any young people should be pressurised into feeling like they have to.

It’s helped me more specifically with my future career aspirations too; I went through a phase of feeling really bogged down and worthless. I’ve cried over not feeling like I’m doing enough for my age but now I know that I want to continue learning before really going for it. Which I suppose, is exactly what my blog is for! I am achieving some great things – in fact, that’s part of the reason I’ve been quiet online recently – but I’m also gearing up for when I can achieve even more at a later stage. That’s what it’s like to be seventeen… it’s gearing up for everything.

BIRTHDAY PLAYLIST:
Would You Be So Kind? Live (Dodie)  
Hard Times (Paramore)
Shut Up Kiss Me (Angel Olsen)
Total Entertainment Forever (Father John Misty) 
Five Years (David Bowie) 

For my seventeenth birthday, I’ll be wondering around Florence in Italy and dining at a Greek restaurant for dinner. Hopefully, I’ll be able to share some of the exciting things I’m currently gearing up to, but for now, thank you so much for celebrating with me and for following along for as long as you have been. I think eleven-year-old Tolly would be quite proud of what this place has become!

Hello during this random blog post, the month and day of which coincide numerically with my expulsion from a uterus… yes, it’s my birthday! I’m officially sixteen… throw streamers, shoot out the confetti, pop the champagne (wait – can I drink that yet? 🤔) and get the balloons out because yeah, it’s my “sweet sixteenth”. Crazy, huh? I wonder if any of you have been here from the beginning? Let me know in the comments how long you’ve been reading! 1⃣6⃣ Today’s post is a little update! Hold on tight…

WHAT I WORE: Floral Denim Jacket (Jumble Sale) // Good Morning Sweatshirt (Wildfox)* // Blouse (Stradivarius) // Mom Jeans (Pull & Bear) // Mono Pascal Boots (Dr Martens) // Sunglasses (SCOUT)

Recently I’ve been having a bit of self-doubt, especially when it comes to my blog, so even though I know I shouldn’t, I’m going to apologise for the lack of content coming your way. I’m the sort of person who only really likes to put their best foot forward, or in this case, their best posts forward, so when I’m not especially proud of what I’m writing, I end up not publishing anything for a while. Luckily, I’m starting to realise that, that’s okay, but I just needed you to know, in case you’re wondering where I am at.

It always feels as if I have a lot more going on behind the scenes of my blog, rather than actually on it. For example, I just signed off the start of a new documentary style project that I’m going to be a part of (I can’t say much more just in case 1 – I’m not allowed, and 2 – something changes) and I’m still collaborating with different brands on upcoming features… it’s just the bit in between that I get a stuck with.

I know exactly the type of posts I want to put out, but it’s coming up with the individual ideas every four, or however many days. I also have to take into account that I’ve changed a lot in the past couple of years. My likes and dislikes have changed meaning that how I want to come across has been altered. At the moment I’m big on laid-back, carefree photography (inspired by film and polaroids) so my photoshopped profile pictures and header images don’t quite showcase that, do they?

Honestly, doing a whole overhaul of my blog has been on my mind recently… there are just several things in the way of stopping me, like formatting of old posts etc. I want readers to come to my blog and see who I am now rather than who I was before. I want to get rid of wishlist style posts and solely focus on my own, unique content. That‘s the dream.

But we can’t forget our origins, can we? Having all of my old posts creates an archive of all of the adventures and stories that have turned me into who I am, so stripping them away doesn’t show all of the hard work… it’s a real dilemma. I suppose what I’m trying to say is, right now, I think I need some time to figure everything out. I absolutely, one hundred percent, no doubt about it, want to keep my blog going, but I need to figure out how to keep it going.

So in the words of Tilly from Miranda; bear with, bear with, bear with.

BIRTHDAY PLAYLIST:
Take It Or Leave It (Cage The Elephant) 🎶
Whistle For The Choir (The Fratellis) 🎶
Good Ol’ Fashion Nightmare (Matt and Kim) 🎶
Everyday (The Tragic Thrills) 🎶

I didn’t mean for this post to be quite so dramatic and rather depressing, but it’s actually lifted a weight off my shoulders, writing everything out for you to know. Today I’m going to relax and enjoy the day with my family (this will be my last birthday as an aunt to one – my next niece/nephew is on the way – woo!) and celebrate the fact that I’m still happy and healthy and going strong; because that’s all that matters, right?

Thank you for sticking with me over these past four (well, five birth) years, seeing me change and grow. It’s quite an exciting prospect that one day I’ll be able to look back on it all and see how I evolved into who I’m going to become. The great thing is, that even in these moments of doubt, I know I have you guys to spur me on!