editorial

I’ve said this numerous times over the past couple of years but it really is necessary to return to my roots of blogging sometimes and truly appreciate the parts of it that I’ve always enjoyed (like editorial shoots and focusing on second-hand style). With the climate crisis heavy on most of our minds, taking a breather from talking about it directly is a form of mindful self-care…

WHAT I WORE: Orange top (Jumble Sale) // Vintage Skirt (Charity Shop & DIY) // Sneakers (YATAY)*

Notably, this outfit isn’t an everyday look but when I come across the perfect shooting location, I tend to lean towards more creative and bold choices to match, even though this is technically just a three-piece look which takes little to no effort to put together. Of course, it’s all sustainable with the top and skirt both being second-hand.

I found this skirt in a charity shop last year. It was originally a very sheer and frail vintage piece which was much too large on me but the print wouldn’t leave my mind, so, it ended up being one of those “I’ve got to go back and get it!” purchases.

In the end, I sewed together an elasticated underskirt in some white cotton that my mum had lying about. The fact that I didn’t attach it to the floral skirt itself means I can always reuse it for another skirt if it were ever needed. It’s the closest thing to a princess dress you’ll find in my wardrobe and it was quite literally made for me (by me!).

Not only is shopping second-hand far more environmentally friendly but it also brings with it sentimentality and the memories behind each purchase. If we want to love our clothes for longer, we need to connect with them emotionally and I think that’s a little harder to do when browsing through shops which are filled with almost identical pieces, rail after rail.

Having said that, I don’t have much recollection of where this orange top came from. I know it was from a second-hand sale but I can’t remember from where or from what country. It’s one of those tops that I don’t reach for constantly but whenever I wear it, I appreciate its purpose (and its almost perfect colour match to my skirt).

In terms of the shoes, they’re pretty self-explanatory. They’re the sort of shoes that I never would have seen myself wearing a few years ago until I started to realise the only truly versatile pair I owned were a pair of white platform heels. So, in came these to my feet’s rescue and now they’re my go-to summer footwear choice. You can read more about what makes them sustainable, here.

I will be honest though, it’s extremely hard for me to completely compartmentalise my eco-anxiety from what should seemingly be a straight-forward fashion piece, especially when the location I was shooting at seemed like a glimpse into our future. A deserted waterpark or a planet left with what used to be?

I’ve had quite a few of these thoughts lately, especially in my local area where the green spaces and parks are surrounded by houses and roads. If we’re not going to be here, what are we going to be leaving behind? What have we done to what used to be natural and wild?

If I’m to attempt to apply these musings to my clothes, I suppose it circles back to sentimentality, again. I’ve written about this before and I’ve contemplated what items in my wardrobe I would like to pass down to my children (if I have them this is – that’s a whole other conversation to touch on at some point; the fear of bringing a new generation into a world that is going to suffer).

My collection of Dr Martens (which are both second-hand and years old) are going to be passed down no matter what, considering how long-lasting they are. I might cling onto my calf-high pair though, seeing as they’re becoming a piece of history as my ‘protest boots‘.

Speaking of which, like many movements which came before the likes of Extinction Rebellion and Fridays for Future, we’re leaving behind a mark in more than a directly change-making way. We’re leaving behind an identity and memorabilia which we will hopefully look back on as a positive mark of our existence. 

I actually recently touched on this subject for AJ+ (part of Aljazeera News), as they interviewed me about fashion and activism and how I use what I wear and create to play a part in demanding climate justice. I used to feel alone in this but there’s such a sense of inclusion when there are ways of indicating your belief in something. Extinction Rebellion flags are already displayed in the V&A in London, so, it’s hard to deny that we’re leaving a mark.

I hope that what we leave behind will be salvageable, whether it’s our clothes or whether it’s waterparks which are starting to overgrow and rewild themselves into something actually rather stunning. Let this be a reminder that what we use, what we own and what we dispose of will remain in some shape or form; that our clothes, much like our buildings, need to be passed down and appreciated rather than left in disarray.

There is so much beauty and life in what has already been used, so, as much as I may fear what the world will look like without me – us – here, you have to imagine everything with the sun setting behind it and be proud of all the things that we’re leaving in an attempt to avoid that ever happening.

So much for a light-hearted return to what should have just been a style post, eh?

How is your eco-anxiety showing up for you? Let me know in the comments…

Perhaps unknowingly to even people close to me, over the past month or so, I’ve become increasingly aware of the fact that I’m growing up. I’ve written similar sentences on my blog before because believe it or not when you write for six years of your teenage life, you change and grow immensely…

WHAT I WORE: Vintage Versace Jeans Couture Suit (Antibad)* // Topshop Heeled Boots (Depop) // Bralette (M&S – old)

But this time it feels different; this time it feels more drastic and permanent. This time, I almost feel as if I’m not expressing my true self where it really matters. Sometimes it can feel like I live two very separate lives on the internet.

One side of me is a ‘brand’ and a ‘persona’ which to a certain extent is curated and censored and one side is, what I can only describe as liberal. Or ‘edgy’. Or a little against the grain.

I’m starting to show more and more of that side of myself in real life, whether it be through my thoughts, how I see my body (I’m talking body hair here – not that it’s edgy; it should just be a choice) or for me, most importantly, through my clothes. And this blog has always been a portal for that.

I want everybody to feel as if they can express themselves in their truest form and wear whatever they want. Fashion is a great tool in that respect, acting almost like armour and costume that changes and evolves with every day that passes.

So, as somebody who has never had a problem in embracing that, you can see how I might feel in limbo being faced with uncertainty towards myself for the first time. It’s not that I don’t know who I am, I’m just unsure of how to transition into my next phase of style with other people watching.

When you are committed to your appearance and the upkeep of how you’re being perceived online, it feels like a big leap to suddenly start sharing part of yourself that seems different and perhaps ‘out of character’ to everything you’ve ever done before.

For some people, the images within this post will look like nothing new but for me, it’s probably the boldest shoot I’ve ever published (and simultaneously, one of the best I’ve ever published).

I felt like me whilst we took them, on a dusty side road outside of a building that seemed to be a water bottle packing facility – I’m happy to report, the bottles were glass – but in my mind, they’re a sharp contrast to what people might have seen of me before and that seems daunting even though it’s only natural.

I know that this is majorly influenced by the fact that I find it hard to find myself reflected in other people my age. I’m not about to say that I never see myself, a slim, white woman, represented in front of me, but I will say that it’s rare I see any ‘online personalities’ who don’t wear make-up, don’t pose from a certain angle and don’t wear clothes that for the most part, cover them up.

That’s no judgement to anybody who does do that – in my opinion, if we’re going to be feminists, we have to accept every individual choice so long as it doesn’t harm others – but it leaves me feeling a little left behind and as if I’m not quite 18 yet even though, I most definitely am, now.

Enter, suit, stage left: I was sent this vintage two-piece by Antibad, a new online shopping destination for ethical and sustainably focused brands, with a strong and extremely beautiful aesthetic. It’s not the first suit that I’ve owned as I have a satin navy blue number hanging in my wardrobe but there’s something powerful about the way it makes me feel (and I’ve only been its proud owner for less than a week at the time of writing).

It wasn’t too long ago that I was drafting a post about how I don’t find there is anything empowering about a woman in a suit, after seeing the phrase ‘power dressing’ crop up over my social streams. My take on the subject was going to be one from an ethical perspective, much like when I discussed the topic of feminist t-shirts; are suits empowering if they’re made by unempowered, exploited women?

I still stand by my answer of no but I will take a step back in this instance and admit – suits really do have the ability to boost your confidence and I don’t believe that to be a gendered experience.

The reason I wanted to discuss my current feelings towards my online appearance and ‘brand’ around this suit was that it’s a great introduction to who I am in this current moment in time.

I’m Tolly and I like to wear suits which make me feel a little taller and stronger, with pairs of chunky heels or sneakers which tone it down when necessary. I like to wear them unbuttoned with little underneath not only because I like the way it looks but because it’s the summer and anything more would have me collapsing in a sweaty heap.

As I mentioned, the suit is vintage and as a steadfast advocate for second-hand clothes, I’m glad that it ticks that box so perfectly. In my experience, suits and two-pieces are often a struggle to find second-hand because often they’ll be separated upon selling. It’s why I’m slightly devastated that another new tailored addition to my wardrobe (this green blazer), wasn’t part of a suit itself.

I’ll be taking over the Antibad Instagram Story on July 9th with a LIVE Q&A at 6pm BTS!

So, what does this suit mean, if it’s not only a confidence booster? To me, it’s a reminder to always stick to who you really are, even if you think it might surprise some people. It’s also a reminder that I think at some point soon, the next era of my blog needs to begin. Believe it or not, my site has looked like this for almost a whole four years now and I think it deserves a bit of a refresh.

As much as I like to use my blog as a platform to raise awareness for important issues, I can’t forget that it’s always been a place for me; a place for me to show all my true colours.

How do you evolve online? How would you style this suit? Let me know in the comments…

Today marks 6 years of my blog and in honour of that, I want to get real with you. Currently, I feel as if I’m in a unique position with my blog. I’ve been working on it for a decent amount of time – a third of my life! – yet my progression and growth have been slow compared to others…

Photography by Olesya Gonta – shot in Florence, Italy in the summer of 2017.

WHAT I WORE: Yellow Leather Jacket (Vintage) // Blouse (Second-hand) // Skirt (Second-hand) // Recycled Denim Chokers (Yours Again)* // Hair Bow (Unknown)

This is just a commentary, not a piece written out of jealousy or desperation. I understand that there are many easy to pinpoint and fairly recognisable reasons for the rise and fall of my blog. I also understand that there are probably hundreds of other bloggers and writers who fall into the same boat (and if you are one, perhaps you’ll relate). Well, perhaps not the same; I did say I feel like I’m in a unique position after all.

For those of you who don’t know or perhaps need reminding, I started my blog just before I turned 12-years-old, an age of which I now look back on and realise really was as young as it seemed to others, and that’s coming from the girl who has always seen herself as more mature than I am (I’ve never feared or shied away from growing up. The idea excites me more than anything because there’s so much more potential to be lived out as you age).

At around 13, my blog somehow gained attraction. I usually try not to use terms like “somehow” because it almost implies it was for no good reason. I use it here, however, because, in comparison to my blog now in 2018, it baffles me to think I was deemed as an impressive creator (sorry, younger version of myself but you’ll be glad to know you haven’t settled for what you were writing back then).

It doesn’t bother me to say this and I am unashamed to admit it but honestly, in terms of numbers, audience interaction and what is normally deemed as “online success”, my blog peaked around that time.

One of my most frequent click-backs is from an article I was featured in, in The Telegraph Magazine. To this day, I still get people finding my blog through that piece discussing teen bloggers, even though the image which depicts me is of my 11-year-old-self wearing an admittedly, culturally appropriative headband.

Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of that feature (albeit the offensive accessory) and grateful for what followed it but that isn’t me now – unsurprisingly and thankfully, I’ve changed, learned and evolved as a human being and ultimately, as a blogger.

The content I’m creating now is the content I am the proudest of so far, yet the traction it receives and the audience it now lends itself to is vastly smaller. My numbers peaked at the point where I was really only learning and finding my feet but my blog itself is now peaking when I’d say it’s most in need of being seen. As much as I blog because I love it, I also blog for a bigger purpose, now.

As I said, there are many reasons for this. First and foremost, I was a teen blogger at a time when there weren’t that many who were visible. I was part of a small and niche group of young and spritely voices. I was labelled as a future “Tavi Gevinson” on multiple occasions (which is extremely flattering – Tavi has gone on to do wonderful things).

But now, it’s fairly common to see a blog link in a teen’s Twitter bio or for an opinionated thread of tweets to gain thousands and views, for it to turn out to have been written by an intelligent and forward thinking 14-year-old. A Tumblr post can gain thousands of notes compared to a website I’ve put blood, sweat and tears into for a good portion of my life so far.

The internet has grown and changed in a way nobody would have expected, leading blogging and YouTube to become aspirational career paths (whether that’s a good thing or not, is another conversation to be had). There are magazines dedicated to advising teenagers on how to get started online and that’s only really happened in the past three or four years.

Secondly, I’ve never had a huge audience in the first place. When I say my blog and my platform peaked a few years ago, I’m obviously not implying I used to be as well-known as Zoella.

My numbers are small and magazine features never gained me much more than experience and behind-the-scenes opportunities (more on that later – I value this a lot). It’s only recently that I’ve reached 2,000 followers on Instagram when some teenagers are reaching millions within a matter of a year or two, and maybe this is rightly so.

Lastly, and perhaps more obvious as of late – the topics I write about just don’t interest people in the same way other subjects do. As much as I’d rather it didn’t, the world of blogging (specifically within the beauty, fashion and lifestyle sectors) relies upon well, the consumerist culture and that doesn’t sit too well with somebody interested in the matters of sustainability.

There are many opportunities I’ve been given and reached out for that would easily have progressed me further in the direction of what this new industry would claim to be “success”. There are brands I could have worked with who would have been able to expose me to a wider audience.

There are clients and companies who would have benefited me financially if I’d started dismissing my moral and personal beliefs. I could have scrapped my rule of being organic across the board and added Google Ads to my sidebar years ago and I probably could have afforded to re-design my site by now (yes, this is a cry for help for any web designers looking to add to their portfolio!).

The truth is, a Primark haul, a make-up tutorial or tips on how to style up current trends, are always going to attract more people than a discussion on Cradle to Cradle design and how our clothes contribute to climate change.

If that’s how I described my content to a new reader, I think even I would be turned off by it. My outfit and style posts are a great example of this in themselves; they’re far easier to read, consume and digest meaning they’re often more popular than anything else.

That’s not to say discussing ethics and sustainability can’t equal success. Take a look at the likes of Eco-Cult; what Kestrel Jenkins has done with Conscious Chatter and what many other sustainably focused content creators are doing.  Even myself; I am a success story in my own right, it just might not look like that on the surface because I’m not attracting millions of views a year anymore (sadly).

2,000 followers on a platform don’t let you in on who is included within that 2,000, though. I’ve been very fortunate in being able to connect with people who I admire and who will be of more help and support to me and where I want all of this to lead than say, 200,000 unknown strangers. Although I’m not going to turn that down (*insert all my social media links here so you can follow me*), I believe this is all a lesson in the old adage of “quality over quantity”.

I mentioned that I would talk more about behind-the-scenes opportunities and I believe this is important to highlight, especially for those who also struggle with the numbers game. I try my very hardest not to be one of those people who vaguely posts about the exciting news they have but can’t share (I mostly keep quiet due to the fear of jinxing whatever good news it might relate to) but more often than not, I wouldn’t be able to do that anyway. Some of my success is almost invisible and completely unknown because it often ends up never coming to fruition.

Towards the end of last year I was given an opportunity that would have been a large milestone for me but it was taken away within a couple of email replies simply because it turned out that I had to be 18 to be involved (I’m impatiently waiting until I’m in the 18-24 age bracket so that never happens again!) and I’ve been offered many other experiences that have left me speechless but alas, we aren’t all flooded with enough money to travel and be a part of every single one.

A few thousand followers and unseen opportunities also don’t demonstrate the value of the effort and time that goes into everything I create. The fact that I haven’t reached a larger number of followers or the fact that my blog doesn’t generate me a stable income, could easily have knocked me back and made me question why I bother with any of it (this would be a great starting place for that aspirational career path conversation). I’d like to think I put in as much work as a full-time blogger does, without much in return.

A post I read recently by Megan from Wonderful You, discussed success similarly. She explained her own version of slower progression and growth and it interested me because, from my perspective, she is a very obvious success story. The grass is always greener.

I also have to factor in that I have spent a good majority of these past six years growing, whether that’s literally (my blog will soon see me into adulthood) or metaphorically. Most bloggers who started back in 2012 were already the age I am now, leaving them in their early or mid-twenties with whatever success they’ve achieved.

I’m only just turning 18 in May of this year and starting to feel fully content and confident in what I’m producing. If I wanted to compare my story to other “more successful ones”, it could take me another 6 years to reach that with what I’m currently doing.

I suppose I would never want to fit neatly into the box of an ordinary and successful “blogger” though because the assumptions that tie into that don’t align with me at all.

My Instagram isn’t a constant stream of outfit photos and selfies (okay, admittedly I’ve been posting more of them recently), my photography doesn’t look as if it’s been torn right out of a glossy magazine (this post excluded, thanks to the wonderful Olyesa) and I still have no real interest in properly entering the world of YouTube. I am not a “blogger” blogger, or an “influencer” or whatever other vague terms the industry and media want to use to characterize a humongous spectrum of people working, living and creating online.

I did say I blog for a bigger purpose now but this post wasn’t intended to have one. Perhaps you can take it as a letter I wrote to myself, to remind me that although I am not what most would see as a hugely successful or well-esteemed blogger, there is so much more to it than digits, followers and the amount of money it all generates me.

Six years has been a long, exciting and unexpected journey and out of all of it, the achievement I’m most proud of is just sticking with it.

Follow Olesya Gonta on Instagram & Behance

Speaking of… thank you to all my readers who have stuck with me since the early days and those of which who are new to all things TDP. Here’s to another (who knows?) six years 

It’s tradition on my blog to do a little celebratory post when the number in all of my social media bios changes so here we are again; another year! This time around I’m turning seventeen, making me a whole six years older than I was when I started writing. I wanted to shoot a more creative set of photos in honour of my birthday (I quite like them, if I do say so myself) and catch-up with you all…

WHAT I WORE: Dress (Jumble Sale) // Tattoos (DIY) // Rings (Unknown & Gemporia*) // Glitter (Claire’s)*

Being my age is rather odd, I’ve realised. I think growing up with older siblings confused my young mind because what I saw in them at my age, isn’t what I see in myself. My family will probably read this and be shouting ‘obviously’ at the screen because I’m my own individual but I suppose what I mean is, I don’t feel how seventeen seemed to me then. I used to think being in your late teens made you a super mature young adult who worked hard and played hard but upon turning seventeen myself, I’ve realised that perhaps comes down to how little I could do, being so much younger.

Being seventeen means you can do an awful lot but it also means you can do an awful little. Or maybe that’s just me. I’m pretty sure I’m actually seventeen going on seventy in my head. I like eating cheese and honey on its own and drinking cups of tea at all times of the day and I have a jacket that reminds everyone of my grandma. I’m excited by the idea of getting older. I think I was listening to a podcast recently that really struck a chord with me and has made me relax over how much I’ve achieved. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the exact source of this inspiration but it roughly went through the idea of peaking at a later age. And I suppose; I don’t want to peak now! I want to peak when I’m older so that I’m not sat around thinking; now what?

For someone growing up online and being filled with different ideas and ways to compare myself, this realisation has definitely helped me. As much as achieving a lot while you’re young is an outstanding, I don’t think any young people should be pressurised into feeling like they have to.

It’s helped me more specifically with my future career aspirations too; I went through a phase of feeling really bogged down and worthless. I’ve cried over not feeling like I’m doing enough for my age but now I know that I want to continue learning before really going for it. Which I suppose, is exactly what my blog is for! I am achieving some great things – in fact, that’s part of the reason I’ve been quiet online recently – but I’m also gearing up for when I can achieve even more at a later stage. That’s what it’s like to be seventeen… it’s gearing up for everything.

BIRTHDAY PLAYLIST:
Would You Be So Kind? Live (Dodie)  
Hard Times (Paramore)
Shut Up Kiss Me (Angel Olsen)
Total Entertainment Forever (Father John Misty) 
Five Years (David Bowie) 

For my seventeenth birthday, I’ll be wondering around Florence in Italy and dining at a Greek restaurant for dinner. Hopefully, I’ll be able to share some of the exciting things I’m currently gearing up to, but for now, thank you so much for celebrating with me and for following along for as long as you have been. I think eleven-year-old Tolly would be quite proud of what this place has become!

Happy Halloween! I’m not a major Halloween person but for the past three years now I’ve published a little Halloween themed photoshoot and even after having the worst internet, almost losing the camera with my lens on it (okay, I embarrassingly admit it was in the cupboard the whole time) and being distracted by fanfiction (why is it such a thing?!), I finally have this year’s little edit… it’s short and sweet but I hope you like it… 🎃👻💀

WHAT I WORE: Faux Fur Coat (Jumble Sale) // Floral Jumper (Peacocks)* // Necklace (Claires)* // Floral Headband (Claires)* // Make-up (Claire’s)* & (Mixture of brands)

After receiving an awesome package from the lovely people over at Claire’s, I knew that I had to use the absolutely gorgeous floral headband from their Halloween range. The first thought was to use it as part of some sort of ‘evil queen’ style look so that’s what I’ve tried to achieve. It’s not quite as exciting as my previous costumes (2013 + 2014) as I didn’t have quite as much time and I basically made it up as I went along but I think it works and it could be some really last minute inspiration for anyone heading off to parties!

I think I might actually remove the spiders from it and use it through out the whole autumn/winter period as the colours are so pretty; what do you think? In terms of the rest of the outfit and look, I went for my big faux fur coat to create the sort of ruffled/high collar that you often see in spooky costumes. It’s sort of a gothic vibe but with a touch of vampireness to it as I just randomly decided to smudge the ombre lip I’d created. Did it work? Who knows… let me know in the comments, yeah?

Happy Halloween once again! See you soon… 🎃👻💀