confidence

Perhaps unknowingly to even people close to me, over the past month or so, I’ve become increasingly aware of the fact that I’m growing up. I’ve written similar sentences on my blog before because believe it or not when you write for six years of your teenage life, you change and grow immensely…

WHAT I WORE: Vintage Versace Jeans Couture Suit (Antibad)* // Topshop Heeled Boots (Depop) // Bralette (M&S – old)

But this time it feels different; this time it feels more drastic and permanent. This time, I almost feel as if I’m not expressing my true self where it really matters. Sometimes it can feel like I live two very separate lives on the internet.

One side of me is a ‘brand’ and a ‘persona’ which to a certain extent is curated and censored and one side is, what I can only describe as liberal. Or ‘edgy’. Or a little against the grain.

I’m starting to show more and more of that side of myself in real life, whether it be through my thoughts, how I see my body (I’m talking body hair here – not that it’s edgy; it should just be a choice) or for me, most importantly, through my clothes. And this blog has always been a portal for that.

I want everybody to feel as if they can express themselves in their truest form and wear whatever they want. Fashion is a great tool in that respect, acting almost like armour and costume that changes and evolves with every day that passes.

So, as somebody who has never had a problem in embracing that, you can see how I might feel in limbo being faced with uncertainty towards myself for the first time. It’s not that I don’t know who I am, I’m just unsure of how to transition into my next phase of style with other people watching.

When you are committed to your appearance and the upkeep of how you’re being perceived online, it feels like a big leap to suddenly start sharing part of yourself that seems different and perhaps ‘out of character’ to everything you’ve ever done before.

For some people, the images within this post will look like nothing new but for me, it’s probably the boldest shoot I’ve ever published (and simultaneously, one of the best I’ve ever published).

I felt like me whilst we took them, on a dusty side road outside of a building that seemed to be a water bottle packing facility – I’m happy to report, the bottles were glass – but in my mind, they’re a sharp contrast to what people might have seen of me before and that seems daunting even though it’s only natural.

I know that this is majorly influenced by the fact that I find it hard to find myself reflected in other people my age. I’m not about to say that I never see myself, a slim, white woman, represented in front of me, but I will say that it’s rare I see any ‘online personalities’ who don’t wear make-up, don’t pose from a certain angle and don’t wear clothes that for the most part, cover them up.

That’s no judgement to anybody who does do that – in my opinion, if we’re going to be feminists, we have to accept every individual choice so long as it doesn’t harm others – but it leaves me feeling a little left behind and as if I’m not quite 18 yet even though, I most definitely am, now.

Enter, suit, stage left: I was sent this vintage two-piece by Antibad, a new online shopping destination for ethical and sustainably focused brands, with a strong and extremely beautiful aesthetic. It’s not the first suit that I’ve owned as I have a satin navy blue number hanging in my wardrobe but there’s something powerful about the way it makes me feel (and I’ve only been its proud owner for less than a week at the time of writing).

It wasn’t too long ago that I was drafting a post about how I don’t find there is anything empowering about a woman in a suit, after seeing the phrase ‘power dressing’ crop up over my social streams. My take on the subject was going to be one from an ethical perspective, much like when I discussed the topic of feminist t-shirts; are suits empowering if they’re made by unempowered, exploited women?

I still stand by my answer of no but I will take a step back in this instance and admit – suits really do have the ability to boost your confidence and I don’t believe that to be a gendered experience.

The reason I wanted to discuss my current feelings towards my online appearance and ‘brand’ around this suit was that it’s a great introduction to who I am in this current moment in time.

I’m Tolly and I like to wear suits which make me feel a little taller and stronger, with pairs of chunky heels or sneakers which tone it down when necessary. I like to wear them unbuttoned with little underneath not only because I like the way it looks but because it’s the summer and anything more would have me collapsing in a sweaty heap.

As I mentioned, the suit is vintage and as a steadfast advocate for second-hand clothes, I’m glad that it ticks that box so perfectly. In my experience, suits and two-pieces are often a struggle to find second-hand because often they’ll be separated upon selling. It’s why I’m slightly devastated that another new tailored addition to my wardrobe (this green blazer), wasn’t part of a suit itself.

I’ll be taking over the Antibad Instagram Story on July 9th with a LIVE Q&A at 6pm BTS!

So, what does this suit mean, if it’s not only a confidence booster? To me, it’s a reminder to always stick to who you really are, even if you think it might surprise some people. It’s also a reminder that I think at some point soon, the next era of my blog needs to begin. Believe it or not, my site has looked like this for almost a whole four years now and I think it deserves a bit of a refresh.

As much as I like to use my blog as a platform to raise awareness for important issues, I can’t forget that it’s always been a place for me; a place for me to show all my true colours.

How do you evolve online? How would you style this suit? Let me know in the comments…

I’ve spoken about this topic before in this blog post about ‘sticking out like a sore thumb’, but I’m always happy to revisit the topic, especially if you guys are asking specifically, which you did… back in this blog post! If you’re interested in knowing how I’ve personally combated feeling judged and self-conscious and how you can too, then carry on reading…

I’m going to start out by saying that I’m definitely not in the worst position for being judged or for being self-conscious. There are so many variables that go into making you feel more insecure, some of which include your family and support group, your friends, your school or your work place.

I’m very lucky; I have a family that is truly supportive of me and I have parents that have never pressured me into being a specific type of person. I’m not trying to be judgey, but I know that so many people out there that do feel pressured or haven’t had the same sense of support, so I really do try not to take it for granted.

I’m also currently home schooled which means I don’t have the usual pressures that come with having peers around, although that doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced that sort of thing (I have, and I’ve written about that before too).

But, (like pressure at school), that doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced feeling judged or pressured or most importantly, self-conscicous. We all have, at some point in our lives so far, because every human judges, no matter how hard we try not to. Our brain scans things over when we meet new people, and when we see new faces in the street. It may be subconscious, but we all do it, so it’s rather hard to avoid, and that’s a crucial fact to remember.

For me personally, I’m most self-conscious about my exterior personality, although I’m at a place now that I’m, for the most part, whole heartedly happy with things. I’m happy in myself and how I come across as a person, but when it comes to how I appear, I think that’s where I hit a stumbling block. I met someone new a while back, and whilst I was getting ready on the day, the first thought that came into my head was – “Perhaps I should wear something a little more ordinary”. So, as you can see, I still expect and worry about being judged, no matter how confident I actually feel as a whole.

So, the question is – how do we get past things like that? How do we skip out those thoughts that make us pressured? How do we stop ourselves from shrinking back down into that mold of ‘being normal’ or ‘being perfect?’. Well, I’ve thought about it, and I know you’re no doubt going to think I sound crazy but… I like to think about the size of the world and the universe. Yup, you read me right… I’m getting deep.

Seriously though, sometimes it’s just great to put things into perspective. I know this won’t work for everyone, and it could quite possibly be just my teenage brain making me think about these sorts of things (my sister said she used to the same when she was my age), but honestly, when you realise how small and pointless these insecurities and fears are… you start to feel a whole lot better about yourself, and you start to look at other people around you in a whole new light.

~ YOUR PERSPECTIVE TO DO LIST ~

So, to do this, I’m going to throw in some facts about the universe. It would take 100,000 years to travel across the Milky Way. In the observable universe, there is estimated to be one hundred billion galaxies… so (according to physics.org) if you hold a grain of sand up to the sky, the tiny patch of sky that it covers, contains ten thousand of those galaxies. There’s a lot more to it than that as we all know, but those facts alone are enough to make you feel dizzy.

Nevertheless, I hope you can understand what I mean. Looking at everything in this perspective just makes me think – why should I care about that person across the road looking at me oddly for wearing something a little ‘different’ (what even is different, after all?) when there are so many bigger things to be worried about?

I also mentioned that this makes you look at other people in a whole new light, and it really does. I’ve started to just appreciate a smile, no matter who the person is wearing it. I don’t judge them or comment on the rest of them, I just appreciate what’s there and the beauty of it. Because honestly, once we’re happy in ourselves, we can start to appreciate everyone and everything else around us and we can start to make those people who felt the same way as us, get that little bit closer to being happy too.

  LOCATION: Sirolo, IT  🇮🇹

What you have to realise though, is that every single one of us goes through judgement and feelings of self-consciousness, so there’s no real way to ever combat it (like I mentioned in my sore thumb post). You just have to suck it up and start blurring things out because honestly, it’s always going to be there, no matter who you are… and in a way, that’s kind of the fun of it all.

When you do have those moments of confidence and when you finally do feel happy with how everything is… you’ll be able to look back and compare things with that perspective lens and realise there really was no point in worrying.

Did this blog post help you? Do you have any further questions about confidence? Leave a comment or fill out the form above!

Also… if you’d like to see a full outfit post for what I’m wearing here, do let me know! I’ve also just added a sneaky little feature to my blog in the form of Konami code. Have fun with that! Oh and just FYI, my next blog post is a good one! Watch out!

As I mentioned in this post, I want to start really talking with you guys about different topics especially on the line of being yourself and confidence. I asked you guys whether you had any questions (not necessarily directly about being yourself) and an interesting one I received was about ‘ART & Film’. Seeing as these sorts of things can be a huge influence on personal style and fashion in general, I definitely had to give a go at answering it! I’m mainly going to focus on film in this one, but if you’d like to see me delve more into ART, let me know! (Images via Tumblr)

❓ How do you incorporate ART & film into what you wear? ❓

~ THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS ~

(1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6)

Films and fashion go together in a really funny way, because it’s not all about the clothes. If it was all simply about the clothes, catwalk shows would simply just be a selection of models walking down a runway with no make-up, no specifically tousled hair and no music to keep in time with their footsteps.

Fashion is all about the whole feel and mood of everything, from step one (of waking up in the morning) to step one hundred (taking your shoes off at the door)… there’s so much in between that adds up to our personal style each day, and films are a great way to look at it all like that.

I hate to say the word because it’s probably rather over-used nowadays but certain films come with a certain aesthetic which set the tone for the costumes, make-up and hair and overall the fashion. 

So of course, a great place to start is the wonderful array of Wes Anderson films we have to watch. My personal favourite (out of the ones I’ve so far managed to watch) is The Royal Tenenbaums because of Gwyneth Paltrow’s character.

My sister says that Margot reminds her of me (?!) but in one way that’s kind of cool because of her awesome outfit choices. Margot’s me when I’m moody. She wears simple pieces but she has to top it off with something extra, usually in the form of a fur coat.

So you’re probably wondering? How do I actually incorporate the vibes and general tone of The Royal Tenenbaums and it all comes with? By taking certain elements subconsciously and channeling them into my outfits… like collars and muted tones; faux fur and flat shoes. I don’t necessarily have to seek out to end up looking exactly like Margot Tenenbaum… it just sort of happens organically whenever a picture shows up or I end up re-watching the film.

~ GOD HELP THE GIRL ~

(1&2 // 3 // 4 // 5&6)

However, there are times when I do purposely seek out to recreate a character. The thing with fashion and dressing is the fact that you can transform into whoever you want to be, and sometimes I just really feel like channeling the ways of Eve from God Help The Girl. I mean, that leopard print and stripe combination? It has me written all over it.

There’s actually a really nice clip in this movie of the character, Cassie, doing her make-up in the style of Aladdin Sane (David Bowie), but then she ends up scrubbing it all off, and I think that’s a nice way of summing up how it’s okay to recreate styles and personalities from what we see on TV/social media, but it’s also okay to try and do your own thing, even if that person truly inspires you.

So although I have sometimes felt like being Eve, there’s always that Tolly touch to things and I don’t think that will ever go away. After all, the question I received was about how I incorporate art and film into my outfits… and I guess that’s exactly what I do.

~ THIS IS IT ~

On the other end of things, there’s also fashion films which are specifically created to add depth to a collection or brand. It’s usually a short video that revolves around a couple of characters at most, with items of clothing on full show, but a strong sense of plot still there.

I’m not going to lie, the main reason I included this specific fashion film is because it includes Alison Brie (from the show Community – my favourite TV show ever… I’ll take any chance I can to promote it (#andamovie!)) but I do genuinely like it.

It’s not necessarily in keeping with my current personal style, but the dreamy lighting and general idea of it really pulls me in and for some reason any ART film that includes roller blades seems to attract people’s attention. It’s actually for the designer jewellery brand Irene Neuwrith and I think it’s a pretty awesomely put together piece.

How do you incorporate ART & film into what you wear? Let me know in the comments!

Other than fashion, another thing that I am wholly passionate about is… self-expression and just being yourself. I don’t really know where it came from, but it’s just always been there within me. The idea of everyone being themselves and embracing the fact that no one person is the same has just always been such an interesting and exciting concept to me…

~ (A LITTLE SNIPPET OF ME) ~

…and I want to share that. I know I’ve spoken a couple of times about the topic on here before (like with my “How To Soothe A Sore Thumb” or “Fat vs Thin” posts) but I really want to try and infuse it into Tolly Dolly Posh Fashion this year. It’s great too because being yourself ties into fashion really well. I mean, what’s the main way we all express ourselves? Through our clothes.

It’s one thing you can’t skip out one each day, so what you put on always channels some form of message. Seriously, you’re feeling a bit fed up and lazy? Putting on comfy clothes literally expresses that (we all do it – even though being yourself certainly isn’t all about fashion).

But the question is… how? I’m all about writing lengthy posts about my own experiences but I think this is one of those topics where we have to talk to each other about it. Does anyone remember when I did “The Ultimate Guide To Being A Teenager“? Well, that was a great example of me taking your questions and queries and creating content from them and I’m hoping it helped.

~ BEING YOURSELF ISN’T ALL ABOUT FASHION ~

Although I loved that yearly series and I’d be happy to bring it back, I’d also love to move forward and do something more regularly, whether that’s in the form of videos (yes I know, I’ve kind of gone off YouTube again haven’t I?) or Q&As, I don’t know, so that’s why I’m writing this post.

Let’s have a bit of a chat! I’m leaving a little submission form below for those of you don’t necessarily want to leave a full comment. Just let me know what sorts of topics you’d be interested in me talking about to do with self-expression and being comfortable in your own skin. Leave a single question if you like! Here are some ideas (they don’t even have to be obviously questions about being you… simple lifestyle type ones can be a good start)…