being you

Over the past few months I’ve been using Tumblr a lot. I use it for two types of Tumblr browsing; fandom (because yes, I have succumbed to the teenage stereotype of obsessing over fictional characters and the actors and actresses that bring them to life) and fashion. I’ve made friends (you know who you are!), I’ve gained inspiration and I’ve had a lot of fun whilst doing it… but I’ve also seen a considerable amount of self-deprecating content and it’s actually made me rather quite sad.

There’s a danger that comes with social media, and we’re all aware of it, but the question is; do we actually take it seriously? For the most part when it comes to the internet, we (as in – the majority of us who use it (I’m talking about you, me, everyone who’s reading this now)) make sure that important topics are learnt about and crucial changes are made, especially when it comes to such things as cyberbullying, online grooming and all those sorts of things which I don’t really want to go into at much detail.

In terms of subtle messages and half-hearted posts made by anybody and anyone however, we don’t really seem to care that much, because that’s exactly what they come across as – half-hearted, meaningless throw-away comments.

What happens to all of those throw-away comments though? Where do they go? Well… they collect, and they get distributed, and because they’re so common but dispersed at a less powerful rate than those dangerous cyberbully comments and those weirdos you find on those random webcam generating sites, they get dismissed. When in actual fact, because they’re so prevalent, and because we see them so frequently, they can actually become more powerful than all of that over time.

It sounds all a bit dramatic and some of you might not agree, but after realising how many of these self-deprecating posts there are on Tumblr and sites alike, it got me thinking as to why we need to a put a stop to them. Seeing endless posts of ‘omg i’m so ugly haha hashtag relatable’ and actually starting to go “Ohh yeah, that is relatable” is pretty damn worrying – because we’ve all done it right? We’ve all seen a post which has made us believe we are just that – ugly… too thin; too fat; too curvy; too spotty; too hairy etc etc; the list goes on.

Some of the time we agree with the apathetic-ness of it all – we reblog or retweet something along the lines of ‘imagine a world where i’m pretty’ (no capitalised letters because Tumblr™) and don’t think much of it because it made us laugh. We move on and we share another similar post the following day or week, or whenever something else along the same vein grasps our attention.

Let’s focus on one word there though – share.
That’s the dangerous part. It’s not like in a book where you can read a line and laugh, or read a line and express your relatable feelings to yourself, because there’s also a button which gives you the instant ability to pass the message on; to pass the message on to somebody else to find and start believing in too.

These messages and comments and beliefs start filling our minds and it becomes second nature to click the button and agree with whatever’s written – probably by somebody in a genuine moment of insecurity, but has then snowballed to become a post with over 42,790 notes (reblogs/likes) and counting because it’s been marked and labelled as something ordinary. It’s a dangerous pattern all because we don’t even realise it is one.

It’s okay to sometimes share these posts in my opinion, because we all have down days of insecurity – even the most confident seeming people do, and occasionally we need something relatable and something that doesn’t make us feel so alone… but we also, more importantly, need to realise that there is a danger to it and that damage can be made when we’re constantly feeding our minds with these ideas which all ridiculously incorrect.

I agree with the statement of beauty is in the eye of the beholder, because it genuinely is. There is no such thing as ugly. We only know of the word ugly because society has made us feel like we have to fit into a certain box – or should I say in this case, a text box.

So the next time you see a post like this, or you see somebody you know reblogging one – do take it seriously. Tell them that you disagree with the statement – send a message and tell them that they’re not ugly; tell them that they don’t have too-far-apart thighs or knobbly knees or whatever else might be listed, because promise me, they won’t expect it, but my goodness gracious they’ll appreciate it… because even if they did share it just as a joke, deep down, they probably believe it whole-heartedly.

Today I wanted to talk a little bit about ‘making your mark’ or leaving your personal imprint in the world, in terms of how we look back on ourselves from a certain point in our lives. That sounds a bit odd, but the idea came to me when my dad stated something a while back over dinner…

WHAT I WORE: Faux Leather Jacket (Peacocks – old)* // Floral Blouse (Jumble Sale) // Bohemian Maxi Dress (Pull & Bear) // 1B99 Dr Martens (Mastershoe My-Shu)* // Rings (Various Stores)

“It’s funny really, when you’re older and we look back, we won’t have many pictures of you in summer dresses, will we Tolly?” is what he said.

What he said really stuck with me, but not for the wrong reasons (just in case you’re worried Papa Posh!). It got me thinking about the idea of our future and past selves and how in the digital age of instantly uploadable photographs and Facebook ‘Memories’, we’re always looking at what we were like then and now, and how it will be so much easier to compare our past selves and cringe over decisions we made ‘back in the day’ when we have this back log of data and endless streams of photos and saved moments in the future.

What my dad was saying was true – when people look back on my younger self, there won’t be any floral dresses or what some might label as ‘girly’ photos of me, because I’m just not that kind of person. I’m not a tomboy or anything like that (I mean, I’m wearing a dress in these photos and my blog is covered in pink and purple – ugh, *eye roll* 🙄 to stereotypes) but I’ve never been the average kind of gal to prance around in little ankle socks and daisy chain printed skirts.

Having the means to digitalise memories and have them saved onto your laptops and phones (or ‘in the cloud’) means we can see all of the changes and transitions happening, and I think what we need to do is accept that. Things do change. We all change.

For people my age, this is probably one of the hardest things to accept. The idea that we don’t stay as this set person and we don’t always end up being the person we thought we’d be. We can try our best to mould ourselves into what we want to be, but there’s always going to be things that we can’t help doing differently. The reason I’m connecting the dot between this and what my dad said, is because I evolve constantly. I don’t wear summery items of clothing because I’m wearing faux-leather jackets and utility dresses one minute and then blouses and bohemian dresses the next. That’s part of becoming who I am – and part of that is realising, I won’t be able to look back on myself and see this one type of person. No matter how hard I try to create this one aesthetic, there will always be multiple, because I’m still changing.

As a blogger and someone who uses social media rather often, I know what it means to be putting out this specific persona and display of yourself. You probably do too, whether it’s because of what you’re posting or what others are posting. How many Instagram accounts do you go on which are neatly laid out and in a specific colour scheme? Dozens, maybe hundreds, probably… and that’s great; it’s creative and uniform and part of art, but do you know what the biggest struggle is when you start to do that? Adapting to change.

Accepting that change and realising that looking back on what you were then compared to now, is so important. I was listening to a podcast recently (Ladies Who Lunch, if you’re curious) and one of the ladies (who lunches, heh – Cat, I believe) said that she – as a YouTuber and online influencer – is glad that she has the ability to look back and see where she came from, because it’s an archive of her life and her journey.

We have this incredible ability to store the outfits and the hairstyles and the make-up looks and the places we went and the inspiration we found in our own personal archives. We are the curators of our own archives. It’s scary, sure… the idea that we’ll look back and regret decisions or cringe over them, but that’s the great thing about storing it all and utilising these tools – we can gradually accept change and we can look back after a few weeks and start going ‘Oh, well I wouldn’t do that now’. We have time to process change, and we really need to take advantage of that.

In response to my dad’s statement – you’re right. You won’t see many pictures of me in fluttery dresses and cardigans, but what you will see, is a timeline of the person I’ll become and a record of what not wearing those summery prints, means to me.

Do you find it hard to accept the fact you aren’t the same person you were last year? Are you happy with your personal archive so far? Let me know in the comments!