Today marks 6 years of my blog and in honour of that, I want to get real with you. Currently, I feel as if I’m in a unique position with my blog. I’ve been working on it for a decent amount of time – a third of my life! – yet my progression and growth have been slow compared to others…

Photography by Olesya Gonta – shot in Florence, Italy in the summer of 2017.

WHAT I WORE: Yellow Leather Jacket (Vintage) // Blouse (Second-hand) // Skirt (Second-hand) // Recycled Denim Chokers (Yours Again)* // Hair Bow (Unknown)

This is just a commentary, not a piece written out of jealousy or desperation. I understand that there are many easy to pinpoint and fairly recognisable reasons for the rise and fall of my blog. I also understand that there are probably hundreds of other bloggers and writers who fall into the same boat (and if you are one, perhaps you’ll relate). Well, perhaps not the same; I did say I feel like I’m in a unique position after all.

For those of you who don’t know or perhaps need reminding, I started my blog just before I turned 12-years-old, an age of which I now look back on and realise really was as young as it seemed to others, and that’s coming from the girl who has always seen herself as more mature than I am (I’ve never feared or shied away from growing up. The idea excites me more than anything because there’s so much more potential to be lived out as you age).

At around 13, my blog somehow gained attraction. I usually try not to use terms like “somehow” because it almost implies it was for no good reason. I use it here, however, because, in comparison to my blog now in 2018, it baffles me to think I was deemed as an impressive creator (sorry, younger version of myself but you’ll be glad to know you haven’t settled for what you were writing back then).

It doesn’t bother me to say this and I am unashamed to admit it but honestly, in terms of numbers, audience interaction and what is normally deemed as “online success”, my blog peaked around that time.

One of my most frequent click-backs is from an article I was featured in, in The Telegraph Magazine. To this day, I still get people finding my blog through that piece discussing teen bloggers, even though the image which depicts me is of my 11-year-old-self wearing an admittedly, culturally appropriative headband.

Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of that feature (albeit the offensive accessory) and grateful for what followed it but that isn’t me now – unsurprisingly and thankfully, I’ve changed, learned and evolved as a human being and ultimately, as a blogger.

The content I’m creating now is the content I am the proudest of so far, yet the traction it receives and the audience it now lends itself to is vastly smaller. My numbers peaked at the point where I was really only learning and finding my feet but my blog itself is now peaking when I’d say it’s most in need of being seen. As much as I blog because I love it, I also blog for a bigger purpose, now.

As I said, there are many reasons for this. First and foremost, I was a teen blogger at a time when there weren’t that many who were visible. I was part of a small and niche group of young and spritely voices. I was labelled as a future “Tavi Gevinson” on multiple occasions (which is extremely flattering – Tavi has gone on to do wonderful things).

But now, it’s fairly common to see a blog link in a teen’s Twitter bio or for an opinionated thread of tweets to gain thousands and views, for it to turn out to have been written by an intelligent and forward thinking 14-year-old. A Tumblr post can gain thousands of notes compared to a website I’ve put blood, sweat and tears into for a good portion of my life so far.

The internet has grown and changed in a way nobody would have expected, leading blogging and YouTube to become aspirational career paths (whether that’s a good thing or not, is another conversation to be had). There are magazines dedicated to advising teenagers on how to get started online and that’s only really happened in the past three or four years.

Secondly, I’ve never had a huge audience in the first place. When I say my blog and my platform peaked a few years ago, I’m obviously not implying I used to be as well-known as Zoella.

My numbers are small and magazine features never gained me much more than experience and behind-the-scenes opportunities (more on that later – I value this a lot). It’s only recently that I’ve reached 2,000 followers on Instagram when some teenagers are reaching millions within a matter of a year or two, and maybe this is rightly so.

Lastly, and perhaps more obvious as of late – the topics I write about just don’t interest people in the same way other subjects do. As much as I’d rather it didn’t, the world of blogging (specifically within the beauty, fashion and lifestyle sectors) relies upon well, the consumerist culture and that doesn’t sit too well with somebody interested in the matters of sustainability.

There are many opportunities I’ve been given and reached out for that would easily have progressed me further in the direction of what this new industry would claim to be “success”. There are brands I could have worked with who would have been able to expose me to a wider audience.

There are clients and companies who would have benefited me financially if I’d started dismissing my moral and personal beliefs. I could have scrapped my rule of being organic across the board and added Google Ads to my sidebar years ago and I probably could have afforded to re-design my site by now (yes, this is a cry for help for any web designers looking to add to their portfolio!).

The truth is, a Primark haul, a make-up tutorial or tips on how to style up current trends, are always going to attract more people than a discussion on Cradle to Cradle design and how our clothes contribute to climate change.

If that’s how I described my content to a new reader, I think even I would be turned off by it. My outfit and style posts are a great example of this in themselves; they’re far easier to read, consume and digest meaning they’re often more popular than anything else.

That’s not to say discussing ethics and sustainability can’t equal success. Take a look at the likes of Eco-Cult; what Kestrel Jenkins has done with Conscious Chatter and what many other sustainably focused content creators are doing.  Even myself; I am a success story in my own right, it just might not look like that on the surface because I’m not attracting millions of views a year anymore (sadly).

2,000 followers on a platform don’t let you in on who is included within that 2,000, though. I’ve been very fortunate in being able to connect with people who I admire and who will be of more help and support to me and where I want all of this to lead than say, 200,000 unknown strangers. Although I’m not going to turn that down (*insert all my social media links here so you can follow me*), I believe this is all a lesson in the old adage of “quality over quantity”.

I mentioned that I would talk more about behind-the-scenes opportunities and I believe this is important to highlight, especially for those who also struggle with the numbers game. I try my very hardest not to be one of those people who vaguely posts about the exciting news they have but can’t share (I mostly keep quiet due to the fear of jinxing whatever good news it might relate to) but more often than not, I wouldn’t be able to do that anyway. Some of my success is almost invisible and completely unknown because it often ends up never coming to fruition.

Towards the end of last year I was given an opportunity that would have been a large milestone for me but it was taken away within a couple of email replies simply because it turned out that I had to be 18 to be involved (I’m impatiently waiting until I’m in the 18-24 age bracket so that never happens again!) and I’ve been offered many other experiences that have left me speechless but alas, we aren’t all flooded with enough money to travel and be a part of every single one.

A few thousand followers and unseen opportunities also don’t demonstrate the value of the effort and time that goes into everything I create. The fact that I haven’t reached a larger number of followers or the fact that my blog doesn’t generate me a stable income, could easily have knocked me back and made me question why I bother with any of it (this would be a great starting place for that aspirational career path conversation). I’d like to think I put in as much work as a full-time blogger does, without much in return.

A post I read recently by Megan from Wonderful You, discussed success similarly. She explained her own version of slower progression and growth and it interested me because, from my perspective, she is a very obvious success story. The grass is always greener.

I also have to factor in that I have spent a good majority of these past six years growing, whether that’s literally (my blog will soon see me into adulthood) or metaphorically. Most bloggers who started back in 2012 were already the age I am now, leaving them in their early or mid-twenties with whatever success they’ve achieved.

I’m only just turning 18 in May of this year and starting to feel fully content and confident in what I’m producing. If I wanted to compare my story to other “more successful ones”, it could take me another 6 years to reach that with what I’m currently doing.

I suppose I would never want to fit neatly into the box of an ordinary and successful “blogger” though because the assumptions that tie into that don’t align with me at all.

My Instagram isn’t a constant stream of outfit photos and selfies (okay, admittedly I’ve been posting more of them recently), my photography doesn’t look as if it’s been torn right out of a glossy magazine (this post excluded, thanks to the wonderful Olyesa) and I still have no real interest in properly entering the world of YouTube. I am not a “blogger” blogger, or an “influencer” or whatever other vague terms the industry and media want to use to characterize a humongous spectrum of people working, living and creating online.

I did say I blog for a bigger purpose now but this post wasn’t intended to have one. Perhaps you can take it as a letter I wrote to myself, to remind me that although I am not what most would see as a hugely successful or well-esteemed blogger, there is so much more to it than digits, followers and the amount of money it all generates me.

Six years has been a long, exciting and unexpected journey and out of all of it, the achievement I’m most proud of is just sticking with it.

Follow Olesya Gonta on Instagram & Behance

Speaking of… thank you to all my readers who have stuck with me since the early days and those of which who are new to all things TDP. Here’s to another (who knows?) six years